Thank you both for replying. I think in my heart I know that I have to emotionally detach. There is nothing in the world I want more than to believe he isn’t doing coke but I am kidding myself. I hate that he still lies to me even though we are not together.
Adam I wish he was where you are and has some level of insight but he really doesn’t. His dad confronted him and he denied it to him. His dad now doesn’t speak to him and tells me to get on with my life because me and the kids deserve better. He has said that he will only change when he sees it and hits rock bottom. My worry is whilst I remain friends I prevent that rock bottom. He often wants to hug me, obviously when he is coming down. When he is high he completely forgets me and the boys, even forgetting to pick my son up from school.
His mother is a total enabler and denies his drug use (his mum and dad are divorced) she blames me for everything saying I flirt with men. I don’t! This is all lies that he makes up about me. But she keeps feeding his lies by believing them. It’s so frustrating!
I feel cruel, but think Georgia you may be right. I can’t change him, however much I want him to.
It is the minimum CSA payment that he is making to me but that is significantly less than he used to pay. He also has refused to pay half for a residential school trip which was £300. It’s the meanest I can’t stand. It’s like he wants to punish me when I haven’t done anything! I have just been made redundant so will probably lose the house.
I will never love anyone the way I loved him, but I have put up with some really mean behaviour and think maybe I should just try and forget him. I’m not at all scared of being on my own. I have great friends and I have my boys.
Can I also say how relieving it is to finally communicate with people who understand this crazy world. For a long time I have felt like I am the one going mad. I’m quite exhausted xxx