Gosh! It really does seem we are living parallel lives! I have had I love you but not in love with you, what is love anyway stupid conversations. He told me he asked to come back after the first time he left (after accusing me of having an affair which for all the flack I received sincerely wish I had) because 1. For the boys 2. Because he was coming down from taking cocaine the night before (I did not know this!) 3. Because he couldn’t bare the thought of anybody else sleeping with me. (Which is actually odd considering he accused me of an affair which I never had, in fact hadn’t seen the person for 18 months! So surely in his head I already had?)
When he left me the second time he said I was too controlling as I said I wasn’t putting up with all night benders when I had no idea where he was (somewhere in London) who he was withor what he was doing. I then kicked him out. He then treated me like I was some kind of bitch to me, I even had his enabling in denial mother shrieking down the phone at me accusing me of being selfish! I have to laugh at the irony of it. At least his dad and step mum have been great. But I even got accused of turning his dad against him! So everything is my fault and he didn’t live the life he wanted (to be a musician) and it’s all my fault. The funny thing again there, is that despite saying he is now following his dreams and going to be a DJ and musician (he’s 40) in the past 6 months I have written and finished 3 new songs by myself and he has written…..none. But he has a book with lots of ideas apparently.
I wonder how all this will pan out? You have to take each day at a time or they will send us looney tunes!