Bluebell- Oh hun it’s awful it really is. He must still be deep in the cycle because the way I look at it, my normal husband would want to be with me and the kids more than anything, I think they know when it’s becoming “me or the drugs” that’s when they make attempts at moving on by themselves. As the drugs will always come first.
My husband around Christmas time when he had his relapse suggested moving into a flat to sort himself out, but I told him that was ok but if that was to happen he would be going there being single, he was horrified and said I was suggesting that because I want to be single and want to start seeing other men. The reason I don’t want him in a flat is because he will have the best of both worlds, keeping me hanging on by not allowing me to ever meet anyone else, whilst him having a flat in which he can take all the drugs he likes in. Plus he will get to see his kids through the week and on weekends and do all the fun stuff with them without all the daily stuff.
I too get dubious about my husbands actions, I never know if he is being nice because he wants to try hard and sort himself out, or because he thinks “oh she’ll have me back” then carry on the same as before. Because they lie so much you just never know.
I think if we divided up the money we have in the house, he got his own flat for a while, I could see what his intentions are, but then I think drugs aren’t a choice. So the pull of the drug may make him spend all the money on more drugs and stay away from me, but if he wasn’t on drugs he wouldn’t want to live away from me and the kids, so it’s a tough one.
If I was you I’d move on, in your head you can tell yourself “if one day he gets clean, fully clean then there is a chance you could both be together” but you’d be able to tell if had stopped using, as he’d eventually go back to being your lovely husband and make effort etc. If he doesn’t then you haven’t lost anything have you.
As in dating other men, I know you probably don’t want to, I know I’m the same, when you love someone else it’s hard. But maybe stick with it for a bit, loads of relationships start off where you’re not feeling it, then maybe something might click. If your husband has been with other women since you’ve split, don’t let him manipulate you into not sleeping with anyone else. If he had sorted his crap out that wouldn’t happen would it?
I couldn’t be friends with my husband if we split because I love him too much, I’d have to cut all contact. Being friends with someone you love and watching them self destruct and have relationships with other women would kill me. However I find I’m more pro active if I’m angry with him, so keep reminding yourself of what he’s done to you, and that your worth more than the way he’s treated you. Understand that all of it is down to drugs but it’s still no way to live or be treated.
I wish you all the best.