Thank you Icarus Trust. I did actually send an e-mail to you via your website yesterday but haven’t heard back yet. I do feel I am the one going mad!
Thank you also B8998, very wise words and I know that I have to move on I really do, but I just really miss my old husband. But this old husband existed 7 years ago, that’s when he started using, although I didn’t know until August 2017 when he had his psychotic meltown. He was spending on average £500-700 a month on cocaine towards the end, is that a lot or is that like normal addiction amounts, I seriously have no idea! He then of course has to buy weed to bring himself back down but he smoked that before anyway.
I don’t know what to do any more. He picked the boys up this evening and saw I had some flatpack to assemble and asked if I wanted him to help and then promptly gave me his share of the money to send our financial order off! But I do want that order so happy with that. Not happy having this weird courteous relationship though. 19 years together 12 of them being absolutely in love. He used to write me love letters and write songs about me. He still did towards the end, but they weren’t very complimentary! Lol!
He just dropped them off and was weird. It’s all weird and i’m sad and fed up with it all. I sometimes think how nice it would be to bump my head and totally forget all my memories of him but somehow remember everything else.