Our lives are quite similar, I didn’t know either, my husband kept it secret for 5 years on and off. He got hooked on prescription drugs in the middle too for s back problem so I thought his behaviour was down to that and I thought he had bi polar or something.
It’s so hard to let go! I give good advise but I rarely listen to my own. As you say it’s hard when someone was so perfect for many years then they act totally abnoxious and not themselves. You are just wishing that you could shake sense into them. If only! I think we live in fantasy land too, as we wish everything could go back to pre drug days but it will never be like that now, even if they do get clean, things they’ve done or said can maybe be forgiven but never forgot! I keep thinking how many times do I allow this to keep happening before I decide I can’t take anymore? I think not only is he wasting his life but I’m allowing him to waste mine. We don’t know how many years we have left on this earth and do we want to spend our days waiting for someone to sort their sh*t out? I don’t know! X