DNAon I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. My husband and soulmate for 19 years had a psychotic episode August 2017 accusing me of an affair I never had. Two weeks later it transpired he had hidden a 5/6 year cocaine habit from me. Over that time I had noticed that the kind considerate man was disappearing but I thought he was stressed at work and kept asking him to leave his job. He got nastier and nastier to me even swearing at our two sons who were only 10 and 7 at the time. He demanded a divorce which after hearing about his £40k debt (it’s now over £50k) I filed for one although it broke my heart that the wonderful man I had loved since he was 21 had vanished before my eyes. Long story short he begged to come back Christmas 2017 I took him back on the condition that he went to Open Road which he reluctantly did.
I had 4 months of relative calm and then it all started happening again the all night stop outs no communication etc etc so I gave him an ultimatum, me and the kids or drugs. He chose drugs! Apparently I was too controlling and overreacted when he stayed out all night. He said he didn’t love me and only came back because he was coming down on cocaine from the night before! I am now filing for the financial order in our divorce proceedings.
I cry nearly every day. I miss my best friend. It is invasion of the body snatchers.
My point is, I think we just need to let go. Some days are easier than others but as they say, we didn’t cause it (although they may try and blame us) we can’t control it (I can’t tell you how many nights I would stay up worrying what happened to him) and we certainly can’t cure it. Only they can change, when they are ready. For me it is too late. I don’t think he wants to change and is quite happy with his life as he is a high functioning addict.
Hox, I worry for you babe. Been there got the t shirt. He is only going to get worse. I never knew it was drugs, you do. I feel I have wasted the last 7 years of my life struggling while he lorded it up. Your other half doesn’t sound like he wants to change and I hate to say it but I think you will be disappointed waiting. He sounds just like my soon to be ex. He is being disrespectful to you. It so hurts, I know how much it does, but cocaine is the most insidious drug, it actually changes the physiology of the brain, they actually do change. Learning to let go is a work in progress. Today I had a bad day, yesterday was a good one. All we can do is take each day as it comes. We deserve to live our own lives. That’s not to say we don’t care or stop loving, I will never stop loving my ex, but I have accepted I cannot do anything to bring my soulmate back and I feel more peaceful. Not happy, but I will take the peace over the constant regurgitation of fearful thoughts that used to occupy my headspace.
Sending hugs to you all.