DNAanon, I just want to say that I wish my mother in law was like you. She enables his habit by denying it exists, and wait for it, blames me! His father and stepmom however have been a pillar of strength and support to me and the boys and his dad actually had to step in when his son was being aggressive to me. It sounds like this new gf may be partaker in Charlie as well if they are still together. If you can’t get hold of her either then this is probably the case. My ex actually complained that I didn’t do it and even spiked my drink last year with MDMA when he took me out which caused me to pass out. His words were “welcome to my world” as he took me for a date at a techno club in London. Everyone there was clearly off their noodle and I’d asked to go home. Next thing I knew I woke up with loads of funny lights dancing in the air like ribbons that when I reached out wound round my arms. Strangely I wasn’t scared but just very dreamy. I had only drunk two mojitos so I am pretty sure he did something to it. I am the mother of his children! How could he do that to me? I can’t prove it though but I couldn’t sleep for hours. He denies it.
My point is, if your not in that circle with them, then you’re totally out of it. They don’t want to be with us as we don’t “understand them” I think they have to hit some kind of rock bottom before they change. Clearly getting divorced isn’t low enough for my ex. Maybe seeing me getting on with my life may just be the thing that finally provokes that and make him realise that he needs to stop. But maybe it won’t.