Really sorry to hear about this, my cocaine habbit started 8 years a go roughly, mainly going out. Then i stopped going out and did it on my own in the house. Ive not had it since new years eve. And im doing everything possible to not have it again.
I understand how hard it is for you i told my mum about my problem 6 month ago asking for her help and she was crying at one point, saying a mum should not buy there child before they die. I felt guilty and horrible.
The amount of stress ive put on my gf is not good but shes stuck by me and we have 4 well mannered children.
From what you have said, this is my opinion so dont take it as im right, just a few things.. if hes asking for help then next min hes ignoring you again. He must be getting coked up again. Then blanking you. Hes obviously missing his kids when hes coming down off coke. Plus you said his gf gives little info.. she might be having it aswell? Because she should be helping him. Ive bought that louise clarkes book and its great.
Your son has to want to quit this. Its a discusting drug, i wish i never started it.
Do you live near him? Can you not go round and speak to him and just have say a talk with you and your husband and him. Tell him you are there for him, and his kids want there dad back.
He will need a lot of support. He needs cut everyone off from coke. It sounds like he had a lot going for him, job and mortgage, children. But you really do need see him in person if you can.
And like you said the money is not the problem your right. He needs to admit he has a problem, get help. And just sort himself 1st, not to worry about anyone else. Then the rest will fall in to place.
But he really needs to want this. I do, and im scared everyday of messing up.
Its hard but i risk losing my kids and gf next time. If you need anything just ask.