Oh I’m sorry to hear that you’ve gone through all this crap too! My husband never touched anything for 11 years, he was perfect. He stupidly tried coke once when drunk in his 30’s, loved it then got hooked.
I don’t really know what else to say, except whilst they are deep in their addiction it doesn’t matter what you say or do or could have said or done – none of that matters at it won’t fix him! A fellow addict on here was helpful explaining that coke makes you horrible, it turns your heart to stone, you care less and less the more of the drug you use. I’m not sure if you and your husband have had arguments about his behaviour or drug use? Me and my husband did on lots of occasions, our relationship turned toxic, that was his reason for trying to move on with other women. In their head all their behaviour is justified because of what WE have done to them. They are delusional and it’s important to remember that whilst they are in that delusion, they will always make excuses for their behaviour. It deflects blame away from them so that they don’t have to tackle their addiction, whether that is through choice or not.
I attended a al,anon group tonight. I don’t understand how the 12 steps will help me, but I’m willing to try anything to build myself up so that my husbands actions stop impacting me.