Hi
No not heard anything for a few weeks now, absolutely nothing!
He has just dissapeard of the face of the earth, got a new flat, loads of money in his pocket, still got his job etc!
He has left with just his clothes no photographs no memories nothing, just feels like he has moved on without a thought for anyone but himself.
The rows were horrendous before he left so i take part blame for that, i had turned into a spy, checking phones, emails, pockets etc and he said he could not handle that and I should trust him (all the while he was still using)
He had a secret phone which i found full of drug dealers numbers etc and messages to and from them for pickups etc.
He says he has been uphappy for years yet we got married in Aug 2016!! Why marry someone if you are so unhappy with them I just dont understand it, then start to take even more cocaine once married.
I think he got in so deep he knew that he had to leave.
I take some comfort in thinking this he knew he could never do it and still have me.
Towards the end when he admitted he was using again he actually came home off his head (i had never seen this before as his binges would happen away from the house) and it was an eye opener, the come down included him on the couch half asleep screaming the devil was there in so much pain with his nose he was trying to pull it off (quite funny when you think about it NOT!) he was constantly blowing his nose so when he eventually went into a 2 day coma after bottles of gin and whatever else he could drink i looked in the tissue, it was bit of his nose! i took it to the Dr’s and they said it looked like the padding in his nose and he should go and get it checked out straight away.
it has been hell since Dec 2017, some good day but mostly bad.
I have lost 3 stone, my hair falling out etc and i have cried non stop since the beginning of November.
I have told my workplace and they have paid for counselling which is helping and i am tablets from the Dr.
I did attend some councelling with a charity for concerned family members but it didnt help it was all about the drugs and to be honest i am so fed up about drugs that its about me now.
Bluebell – no i dont have any support really, family gave up when he came back in March last year as they didnt want him to, the friends we had are all couples and i know it is awkered for them and they are as upset as me.
Being together so long you lose your identity and that is the hard part, i just work and come home and look at he walls and cry!! its pathetic really
I have been close to a nervous breakdown (think i may have had some sort) Xmas was the worst, to see my husband walk out of the house on Xmas eve was the worst and Xmas day is a blur i cant remember it.
The last time i spoke to him on the phone he said what are you clinging onto, i take drugs, if you want a future get a divorce. I am trying to sort myself out and just want you to be ok – Keep your chin up – KEEP YOUR CHIN UP to a wife who has supported him all this time its just a kick in the teeth.
Drugs aside i just think he wants a taste of the single life.
I am so up and down, one day i am extremely angry and them days are good because i hate him, but like today i am so upset and my mind will not stop thinking about him with other women etc!!
I still think he will stop (i know that is probably not likely) as he has told so many lies to his friends and family, he was doing it because he was unhappy with me, i was abusive, i was controlling etc which they believe – why wouldnt they (he is an expert in manipulation) so he now has to prove it was all true as he wont want them thinking bad of him!!!