Hi
Thanks for reply.
I have done all those things you suggest that is why i am so stuck in limbo.
He has said he will remember the good times and only the best of me (that was said on a clean day) and i truly believe him.
For how he treated me before all this its like chalk and cheese as i was his world.
When i did see him high that was the end i suppose as he never wanted me to see that and he knew before me that it was over.
I was the one begging him to come back, get help etc but he just said you will never forget it and the arguments make me look for an excuse to take more.
Logically i know all this and i know it is true and i know he loves me, but the emotional part of me and my heart is just so terribly hurt and i cant see past the drugs only that my husband has left me, and i just think i could have done more (i dont know what more i could have done so i should keep thinking that, he just didnt want to stop)
I am just so lost and emotional and up and down which i know everyone on here is so its good to talk to people in the same boat.
I just think he knew it would not change and even if he does get better the embarrassment is too much for him as friends and family all know, i wish i had never said anything to anyone but at the time i was in shock and there is no handbook how to react.
I wish i had of reacted differently when i found out but whats the point in thinking what if etc its not going to change anything.
That he can just walk away like a coward and not try is what is making it hard to accept as i wanted to help but he didnt want it or was not ready for it.
xx