Hi pat
I hope things are better for you now?
My daughter who’s 17 has been addicted to Xanax on and off for about 8 months now. She’s says she takes it as she’s depressed and anxious. Frequently mentions commiting suicide. After 4 or so Cahms referrals she’s finally had an assessment but may not be seen again! We are at our wits end and sometimes feel that there is no help. She’s back taking it and mentally not well at all, not eating and has memory loss.
It has turned out life upside . Like you I have awful thoughts about her dying . It’s a battle that is certainly not over.