Hi Cally! Wishing you every happiness in your new home! Did you talk to your friends about how you feel? Seriously, tell them, sometimes people don’t realise we are struggling and it’s only when we tell them that they leap in as otherwise they think we have ourselves together. I hope you got some good hugs from them.
It sounds like your ex is heading to his rock bottom. Did he tell you this? Interesting as my ex felt the need to tell me the most extraordinary things about what he got up to (one story included prostitutes in Germany and a random bloke from Amsterdam, but apparently he didn’t “do anything” ????????). I wondered why at the time he felt the need to tell me, but sometimes I think it is their way of showing ushowtotally lost they actually are.
If he was the one to tell you I wouldnt be surprised if you hear more from him as he suddenly starts to realise what he has done to himself and all around him.
This is when you are going to need to be strong and put some boundaries down. The temptation is to rescue them. It won’t work.
My ex spent the evening with me last night and we talked from the heart. He claims he has given up and only slipped up last week. I would love to believe it but I am not convinced. It was beautiful and sad at the same time. He loves me, I love him, we both said it. But he needs to recover. I told him that I was at a crossroad in my life and that I was ok loving him from afar as that is how I feel but that I want to move on with my life and that he had been very hurtful when using to me and the children and that I didn’t want to be married to him any more. I don’t think he thought I would ever feel like that but sadly I do. Being married didn’t protect me or the children, it put us in a place of fear where I was at the mercy of his cocaine infused decisions. When we are divorced I get the keys and I keep my boys safe from rows, anxiety and moodiness.
Yes, I will always be in love with my husband. Frustratingly, last night he showed me the man he once was, I haven’t seen him in a long long while, but every now and again he would say something or draw a conclusion that was very random and alarming. I could never relax and truly be myself again, I would always be vigilant and worried. I chose not to live like that any more. It is interesting, but me saying I accepted him for what he was and hoped one day he found what he was looking for seems to have had some sort of effect. Maybe there is some really wise truth in leaving them alone to let them figure it out themselves. Maybe now I’ve stopped trying to rescue him he’s trying to figure out how to do it himself.
Who knows, maybe he will figure this out himself. He told me he doesn’t want to do it as it has ruined his life. That’s some good insight. Maybe with a divorce and two years down the line clean we may find each other again. But I am going to just get on with my life and take each day as it comes.
Wishing you every happiness in your new home Cally xxx