Hi Bev123 and Hox
Don’t feel alone or guilty. My ex husband is a gambling addict and so I left him 5 years ago, we had been together for nearly 30 years. The lies, control, manipulation and turning it all round to be my fault took it’s toll and I left him. I wanted our 4 children to grow up in a more stable environment and not have the fear of having to move house again to pay off more debts. Their father is still in the lives of the children and he does love them but he is still gambling and 2 years ago declared himself bankrupt. I literally woke up one day and thought I can no longer live like this. I don’t regret that decision for one minute.
Nine years ago my son (who is now 24) started dabbling in drugs, by the age of 19 he was addicted to cocaine, weed and pills. He lost his job, his GF, his friends, he was having seizures and was so painfully thin, he was out of control, he was angry, sad, depressed, euphoric… I never knew which one he would be or if he would live another day. When he was 21 he went into rehab for a month followed by 5 months living in Spain with a very dear friend of mine… I was so happy for him, I had my son back. He moved back to the UK and started working again, he regained his driving license and I was so proud of him…but the lure was too much, things started going missing again, and so it began, he has never been how he was before rehab but I think he is better at disguising it. He stole from me a week ago but says it wasn’t him, I know it was. He rang me this morning and told me he is going back to his CA meetings, that he is feeling much better and enjoying some parts of his days again… he is trying to make me believe he is clean and honestly I don’t know.
I do know the turmoil and the day to day never knowing of what is going to happen to day world that you both live in. BUT addiction is not your fault! Our loved ones have at some point chosen to use or chosen to drink or chosen to gamble, unfortunately our loved ones have addictive personalities and they have been consumed in it. BUT nothing we have done has made them that way.
The only advice I can give is DO NOT ENABLE ! they will never hit rock bottom until they have nothing, I know that it is very scary and goes against everything in a your body to not nurture, care and love for your loved ones but you are effectively buying them drugs… I had it spelt out to me after years of enabling both my son and ex.
Take car both of you and look after yourselves xx