I am glad that your son is looking well and is making an effort with his daughter, that is positive and good to hear.
How, my heart goes out to you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Having kids has probably helped me as they are my reason for getting out of bed. Cocaine is the most evil drug. It steals away kind loving people and replaces them with utter arseholes. At the moment my ex is popping by ours quite a lot, funnily not spending time with the kids but with me. I think I may have made a royal cock up but at the time it seemed like a good idea.
Because he is such a liar and I was worried about his contact with the kids I told him what he does is his own business and I accept now that he has made his choice but he needs to tell me when he has used so that my kids don’t get the brunt of a massive comedown or worse still, he just falls asleep whilst being with them!
So he said ok. And now tells me while I sit there positively seething! He is now coming round all the time and I thought at first he wastrying to make amends, professing to not wanting to do it any more saying it hadruined his life. What about mine and the kids! So I thought he was serious about it but now I have worked out he is coming to see me on his come downs because he is lonely and feeling sorry for himself! Worse still, I think he wastrying to “convert” me as when I said I could never ever snort anything up my nose i’d feel like I was drowning, he looked at me completely straight faced and said “but you could rub it on your gums instead” He was deadly serious!!! ????????????
I am now angry at him but even angrier at myself! My 9 year old son asked me why we weren’t married as we are always together, and then I felt so bad as I was so busy hoping and wishing my lovely old husband was possibly there I never thought what effect it would have on my lovely boys! Although I have to say, my eldest son has ASD. What I love about him is he says things as they are such as when my husband first left “I don’t know why you are bothered about it mummy, it’s much better without him”. ????????????
Danny, don’t beat yourself up. Remember what Louise Clarke says, it’s not a relapse it’s a hiccup. You are still on track and you still want to change which is a place that none of the rest of our loved ones are xx