Jo you need to talk to people. You must feel so alone with an 8 week old baby and keeping it together with your partner. Contact the Icarus Trust and find support charities near you with people who understand the bad place your head can get into…. Never mind tainting the way others see him, think what do you need… you are not alone and believing that is so valuable….I cannot envisage how you are keeping
strong for your baby and dealing with this. It isn’t fair. Go on the internet, ask Icarus find those life lines… Best of luck