By chance I joined on here again this morning actually as someone who’s partner is an addict.
I have some personal experience of what you are going through, I turned to cocaine to cope with another’s addiction.
I ended up like you doing it all the time after I thought I had it under control.
What I found worked was to remind myself of all the bad parts like no sleep, the cost and the sleepless nights. I distracted myself at the point I craved. It’s hard but I did it. Not sure if this helps you but couldn’t read and not post.