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Your partner sounds very similar to my husband in that social anxiety is a real factor in his alcoholism, as well as serious self-esteem issues stemming from his childhood.

I hope you do find some support for yourself – if it helps, I found my local group on the Al-Anon website here: https://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

To answer your question – yes, sometimes I do wonder, but I can’t dwell on that too much while I’m trying to focus on supporting him through recovery and having a ‘normal’ life. Sometimes easier said than done!