Hi Lexi,
I’ve found myself on this forum as I need to speak to someone in my position and you sound like you’re exactly the same as me. I too have been with my partner 12 years and we have 2 little ones. November 2017 I discovered he had a cocaine addiction.. I didn’t even know he took it and drug taking is alien to me it’s never been my scene. Last year we split up about 3 times but I tried my hardest to understand and support him. We got through the year from hell and I swore I would never go back to feeling the way I did last year. The immense stress n some form of depression on me was awful.. anyway things have been brilliant 4 months clean n it’s like I have my partner back we could look forward and be happy as a family.. and then 2 days ago I discover he’s had a relapse. He’s gone back to hating himself for it, being moody and uptight. I’ve told him through anger I want him to leave. Now I’m disappointed and stuck not knowing what to do next.. I don’t have the strength to repeat last year. He loves me and the kids and is an amazing father and my best friend. Do I accept it’s a relapse and support him even though he had many relapses last year or is enough enough 🙁
I too found it extremely hard to talk to friends. He admits when he has money he just spends it on that stuff. I’ve been in charge of his finances and kept his bank card giving it to him when he needs to use it. This week he had it back and this is what’s happened 🙁