Looks like there are two of us without cards or texts from our sons. All the things that you are saying about your son are very similar to my son’s behaviour. They are very good at denying it and my son would get aggressive, even when I confronted him with evidence i.e. empty packets. We paid mortgages and bills for a time but eventually we helped him sell his house as he wasn’t paying anything. If we hadn’t done this his house would have been repossessed. This was possibly the biggest mistake we made as he got a substantial sum of money and it is since then that he has barely been in touch. With regard to not seeing your grand-daughter he has no right to say that to you. Are you in touch with his ex as we still see our grandchildren through contact with his exes. Is there anyone who is still in contact with him that you could talk to him? i.e. dad, siblings, friends.
I would say maybe don’t contact him until he calms down and perhaps he will contact you. Although we have tried this and it hasn’t always worked. There are no answers or right ways to do things in these situations. Just know you are not alone and try to stay strong.