Hi Joanne,
Thanks for sharing your story. I know that you have had counselling but if you would like any more support for yourself please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people who are going through what you are doing as we know how difficult it is. If you contact us I can put you in touch with one of our experienced and trained people that might help to know what to do next.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck.