Dfh – No it absolutely makes sense, i was the same as you before. He probably wants to quit and he probably is trying but the addiction takes over and it comes before ANYONE and anything. He needs to be as invested in it as you are though or itll never work.
I get what you mean, you try so hard, get your hopes up and think wow this time is different, he really is changing then BAM relapse and it starts all over again, like clockwork – my OH used to relapse at week 3 usually.
He would call me and say ” i have made a mistake I have had some coke ” and i would kick off and he would binge even more and then he would be so sorry and want help then it would happen again and again, I got to the point i was so depressed blaming myself.
The best thing to do is not give ultimatums and shout and threaten etc it seems to do the opposite – he really does need to want to stop for it to actually happen though, also my OH used to start rows so he had an excuse to do coke.
He now goes to addiction counselling and he hasn’t relapsed since JAN (16 weeks.. ) this is the longest its been and i am proud, he said it really works as his trigger was anxiety and hes talking through his problems now and its working i really hope anyway. This is down south though so not near you but there must be addiction counsellors local.
Again – he needs to be invested in it though. He should want to quit himself, not for you, or he will continue to relapse.
The whole thing is so f*cked up, like before this i never knew what cocaine/alcohol could do to people. Its a life ruiner – i have stopped drinking as well and i support him in ways he doesnt even realise, i dont go out socially really as i dont want him to feel awkward.
I actually feel sorry for people with addictions, its sad..
I want to start a family i am mid 20s now but thats still at the back of my mind, my own anxieties are there and i worry he will relapse.. but i guess i need to learn to trust again.
Glad i can come on here and give other people advice as thats been 1 hell of a journey for me but he has come out the other end..
I wish there was a solution/a cure, there must be something out there, medication or something that stops this, but theres no time invested in addiction, not enough anyway.. its horrendous it completely changes people.
the main thing here i think is the addict needs to WANT to give up, they need to hit rock bottom – it took my OH ages to realise, he was found on a park bench (suicidal) – it clicked that day and he seeked help.