Hi, new too and also looking for advice. In a very similar situation.
In my opinion the stuff said whilst drunk or on drugs isn’t necessarily true, but they come from a place that wants to hurt you and that is where the issue is. I dont believe that what my partner says to me when hes in these state is true but that doesn’t mean the words have no effect. I’m in tremendous emotional pain today. My world seems to be upside down. I dont want to be the type of person that needs someone to change but if this relationship is going to work he needs to lay off the cocaine and not get blackout drunk.
We have had an incredible relationship for 2 and a half years. I never thought I’d be lucky enough to find that person. But I cant deal with the pain of what gets said.
My advice would be to leave her alone for a couple of days. Let her realise that what she says causes a lot of pain to you and if the relationship is going to work something needs to change. Also you may want to ask her if there is anything stressful and personal going on in her life that my cause her to act this. The human mind is complex and people often try to take out their stress in unhealthy ways and on the people they love the most in the world.
Life would be easier if the world was in black and white, but we are surrounded by all the colours in the spectrum.
Sorry, hope that helps.