Hi Jenson,
I’m new here too. I tried cocaine for the first time Christmas ’17 and for just over a year me and my partner seem to have been doing it all the time, massive 12 hour benders where we wax through so much and then just keep doing it in the morning. We were smoking a lot of weed as well. I was like you, I never touched the stuff through my teens as I’m epileptic and was scared of what might happen. I’ve managed to stop, the turning point for me was managing to say no repeatedly and sit there whilst they racked up and still not have one. The strength I felt for doing that was great. The night before last my partner went on a cocaine binge and started raging at me. He was very emotionally abusive and wouldn’t leave me alone. I ended up throwing his coke in the loo and he scooped it out (very trainspotting..). He regrets everything now. He doesn’t remember anything from that night and because he went on a bender till the next morning yesterday he was horrible to me as well. I dont know how to tell him it’s the coke and I’m scared to ask him to stop as I dont want to be controlling but maybe he needs to hear it. It started of social and he only did it with a friend who has ot all the time but now hes buying it all the time and doing it on his own. He still ask me if I wants some even though he knows I’m done with it which isn’t very supportive. We have an amazing relationship but it all changes when that drugs get involved..
Quitting coke can be done. It is an evil addictive drug and so easy to say yes to but the best thing is to try and remove yourself from the situation maybe.
Not sure if any of that helps, mostly me venting..