Your children definitely do need their Dad so always remember that, dont doubt it. My partner has a 2 year old who I adore and I constantly encourage him and remind him how important and special that father – son (or daughter) relationship is. I’ve found that the issue with cocaine is that you feel you’ve done well by not having it for a while and you kind of forget the shitty feeling it leaves you with after, so you almost end up encouraging yourself to do more. That’s definitely what’s happened with me but I think I’m getting there.
You need to change the relationship from a positive one to negative one. See it less as a treat or something you deserve and see it more as something that could potentially destroy everything you love, something that doesn’t love you back that just wants to consume you and take your money as well as your serotonin!
I’m trying to exercise to take my mind off it, but also learn a language through the duolingo app because it’s quite fun and rewarding.
Maybe give a helpline a call. Or do what you are doing now and reply to this thread when you do have those urges and we’ll just chat it out. I’m lucky in the sense I dont have a super addictive personality so kicking it isn’t as hard for me as I can imagine it could be for others. But that is what this forum is for, supporting people through situations like this. The positive thing is you have recognised the issue and know a change needs to be made. That is the best thing that has happened because it will enable you to find that strength to change your relationship with the drug.
Maybe it would be an idea to open up to your girlfriend. If you guys live together and are highly involved in each others lives she could be that immediate support line for you. Whenever you have the urge to get more tell her, collectively as a team find something else to do or enjoy each others company instead. If you dont think you’ll have that reaction and you’re best dealing with it yourself I completely understand. I dont like sharing my problems but its not healthy. Just chat it out through here. Sometimes it’s easier speaking anonymously