Hi there. Firstly you’re not on your own. I think addiction is the same for us no matter what the substance. My boy friends is cocaine. But I get where you are coming from in regards to the denial, the circles you are going round and round in.
I think it comes down to she isn’t ready to face her problems, until she does I think you’re fighting a losing battle. If I was you I’d be worried about leaving the home and the children in her care. You’ve already said she’s drank and drove with them in the car. She could end up killing one of them. However, you shouldn’t have to stay in a relationship you’re not happy in.
I think you need to sit down with her and gently in a non judgemental way suggest your findings about her hiding bottles etc, tell her that you love her (if you still do) and that you want her to go to the dr and maybe seek some help. Tell her that you want her to be the best she can be and you feel that without the drink she’s a better person. For whatever reason she’s decided the drink is working for her. Maybe she was depressed and used drink to help her block out her feelings. Depending on how she reacts I’d start telling family and maybe close friends. Addiction thrives on secrecy. Plus if you do end up leaving you’re all going to need to get all the support you need.
Get some help for yourself too. Al anon groups are really good. You shouldn’t be feeling suicidal, but dealing with active addiction does indeed make you feel that way.
Good luck