Thank you.
It sounds like your in a catch 22, as am I. I wasn’t prepared to leave without trying so decided subconsciously to live my own separate life and only realised recently I have been doing this for a while, I work, have hobbies and visit family and friends away from him. All this keeps me sane whilst we maintain a ‘family unit’ however, I do know this could only be kept up whilst there was the hope that he might get help at some point.
For me, him going to rehab is a turning point as I will know that my children have a healthy Dad who is willing to try to help himself. I will not know if the trust has gone or if I can let go of the anger until we are through the other side. Even then, I know he will need ongoing support and strength to get through life clean and sober.
I am sorry to hear you’ve got to the point where the trust has gone but it is understandable if you have asked her to be honest but she refuses to be, I am starting to think that is part of the ‘disease’ though.
As for the intimacy and cuddles and the lack of engaging conversation, that is a lonely place to be so I suppose you might come to the conclusion that you are already both living separate lives but in the same house?
I would encourage you to contact an alcohol service in your area and maybe ask for advice before speaking to your wife about it. If you can, go back to the GP with her and try again.
It sounds like you are being very gentle and trying to communicate but from her point of view, to play devils advocate, maybe she has got herself into a situation that she feels ashamed of so she is closing off from you because she already knows the truth and doesn’t want to face it. Maybe she wants help but doesn’t know how or when to ask for it. A GP visit with some honesty once you get in there might be a wake up call?
I understand how confusing and bleak it can feel but it can all start moving into a more positive light with just that first small step