Dellboy, You sound like an absolutely lovely person and I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like you are at the end of your tether, not wanting to go home from work so maybe you have already made your decision about staying or leaving? Your children might have more quality time with you if you actually have somewhere you want to return to at the end of the day.
I am really pleased that you’ve been able to get this off your chest on here because it sounds like you are carrying a massive burden and a lot of confusion, that would make anyone feel overwhelmed. When I get thoughts of ending it all, I try to remember that I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to live in this pain anymore.
As a child of divorced parents, I can tell you it is not always a terrible thing, it has brought me many blessings, as well as a bit of pain, I have half siblings who I love greatly. My Mum passed away in her late 40’s unfortunately and that pain is unbearable and will never leave me. Please use the Samaritans number should you need it.
If you need a counsellor to speak to, look up ‘Icarus’ online, they respond quickly and you can converse by telephone.
I can feel and understand your desperation. Sending best wishes for whatever you decide to do.