Hi Bluesky,
I’m not an expert – I can only tell you what happened to me. I once was like your husband – in the moment that you are in now.
My wife waited until a quiet time, when the kids were asleep, there was a little time to ourselves and told me what she thought might be happening so it wasn’t an accusation. She told me that she was worried about me, with kindness and understanding. Seeing someone I loved and was supposed to protect, so upset over something I was doing was like being hit by a car. I changed that day.
I’m not completely codeine free – its a long journey and I take an occasional tablet in a moment of weakness – but this is down from a gargantuan and frankly dangerous dose.
I am no longer irritable and I like to think I am now a good dad.
I wish you the best. You have everything to gain if you can find the right way to communicate your feelings without accusation. If he’s a moral man – his conscience will work on him and even if nothing changes straight away, it may in time.