Hello Gill,
I read your first post and thought ‘I could have written that, word for word.’ Partner with an addiction (crack, not alcohol), moody, abusive, disappears, broken promises, chasing him, making yourself unwell, the lies, feeling used, being supportive.. all of it.. that was me too).
Gill, the first step I took was to find a support network for people who are affected by others abuse. I have a support worker whose job is to help ME. She has tasught me to put in place boundaries, to protect myself.. and accept that this is not MY journey, it is HIS (the abuse). NO amount of chasing, crying, begging, guilt or screaming will stop him using), so I walked away. I stopped allowing him to abuse me and use me and I stopped being the safe haven he only wanted when he was coming down. After an unheard of two weeks non-contact, he phoned me… he realised the drugs were no longer working to cover his emotional pain, and he missed me and didn’t want to lose me – so he says he is going to try to open up to me. I am not kidding myself he won’t use again.. so I keep my boundaries in place, I am in control on my emotions and I won’t allow him or his life to impact on my emotional or physical well being (been there, got the t-shirt). If he does open up, I hope it is the start of his recovery. But I keep to my mantra – unless he can stop I cannot support him or have him in my life. I maintain my meetings with my support worker and come online regularly to read about others’ experiences, and it teaches me a LOT.
If I can offer any advice from my own experiences, I am here x