Hi Leah,
I’m sorry that your feelings around your mother’s addiction is giving you such pain. I wonder if you would like to contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people who deal with the addictions of a family member.
We know how hard this is and have experienced trained people you could talk with who might help you to find a way forward.
Please contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
Hoping that you can find some support.