bless your heart.. thats so sad.
you cant blame yourself for whats happened and for leaving, you cant live like that.
there is literally nothing else you can do or could have done, being the person who loves an alcoholic is so hard because its like the person has died but their shell is still here.. its horrendous
i think its about time you started living and loving yourself, you need to let go.. he wont change, this will continue and yes its hard to think he will eventually kill himself by drinking but he will do that anyway – with you present, you will have no influence on this and you cannot change it.
i think you need to start living your life and moving on, you deserve so much more.
I wish you all the best in life, take care and get some counselling, it helped me a lot..
xxxx