There are a lot of us in the same situation. Before finding this forum I felt totally alone and unable to talk about what was truly happening.
If detaching yourself for self preservation works do it. We have to try to look after our own wellbeing too whilst worrying about the ones we love. Sadly they do not think about us whilst they are drinking, sniffing cocaine and not bothering going to work. Mine was burying his head in the sand and not dealing with a prison sentence looming.
I’m now trying to deal with the debt that ‘husband’ has left me. Plus juggling paying bills and the mortgage myself. It is exhausting.
I wish you both well.