Hi montyclm
I know it prob sounds stupid and illogical but I can’t admit to it to my gp or the mental health team because I know for fact this sort of stuff stays on ya records and id rather die first than to risk my kids being flagged up or god forbid taken into care because of me and my life choices
I am ashamed of so much of my life and so many things I’ve done but I wanna keep themout of it if that makes sense and admitting it to the gp might not be in their best interests and despite everything bad I am I do want to protect them from me and my problems I’d NEVER hurt my kids god forbid anyone did but if one of them say broke a leg and it was an unexplained injury then they looked into me and it was flagged up that I was a coke head it could very quickly (even tho completely unrelated to my addiction) escalate to being seen as a child protection issue and social services and other agencies getting involved with the kids care (I have not only seen these scenarios first hand as a long term nhs employee til only recently and for seen a similar scenario actually play out with a friends kid that was compleltely crazy she’s been clean for years but still lost them and had to fight tooth and nail to get them back) I can NOT do that to them or my hubby…
I’d rather die than put them through that and that’s what I honestly would prefer for me to drop Dead and him to then eventually go find a lovely new girl to be a better mum for them than i can be even tho it breaks my heart to even think it let alone say it….