Hi, I’m in exactly the same position as you…
My now ex partner has a cocaine addiction going on for quite some time and your story sounds almost identical to mine.. we have 3 children and I desperately want him to get help before it has an impact on their lives – I fear the eldest will price it together soon enough (she’s due to start high school this time)
I asked him to leave the family hope about 3 months ago as it had taken its toll on my mental health and my Dr mentioned Social services which frightened me to be honest so I had no choice (he isn’t violent and I was about 80% sure he didn’t do it at home I got up extra early to clean everywhere just in case) but I too read his body language to try to figure out whether he’s had it.
He doesn’t drink with it – I feel his job (self employed) is his trigger – I’ve told him now that he has to get proper help and a proper job or I won’t entertain ever considering getting back with him.
I still try to help if I can but I don’t think he really truly wants help yet as he’s constantly breaking his word (not going to appointments etc) he’s had alternative job options but doesn’t take them (probably because his cash in had job pays for his addiction)
I have found though since he’s left I am much happier and can take a step back focus on myself and the children more – and whenever he’s ready for help I’ll always be there ( at least I think I will) I used enable by means of paying his phone bill, paid debts thinking of the stress of that was gone he would stay of it but obviously that didn’t work.. so now I do nothing at all, no money for fuel, food nothing… I won’t hide the ‘problem’ from family and friends and certainly won’t lie for him.
I feel so sad for him because he is so down but I can’t do anymore than I have it’s upto him now and if he truly wanted to get help, if his unhappiness was that bad he would be asking for help – he hasn’t done as yet…
I was so worried for the kids when I knew he had to leave but they’re so resilient they bounced back, they still see him, I let them call him whenever they want(which sometimes isn’t much) but they’re ok..
On the other hand I can’t forgive his selfishness when it comes to financial support, I understand that he can’t control his addiction but (I may be wrong) he can control whether he wants to get help.. and the fact we are now going to lose our home – which isn’t ideal with 3 kids as it’s not as easy to go to parents etc… he more than had the means to support and chooses not to which I can’t ever forgive…
I know I’ve said I’ll always be there but once I’m made homeless with the kids I’m not sure I will..
Sorry to rant just have to get this off my chest!