Hi vixen, gosh! I just read your post. That’s awful!
Problem is I’ve been with my husband 17 years since we were teens. I never had an reason to doubt him mainly until we had a huge fight last February and I hit him with a mug, over me catching him using drugs. He was so deep in then and our relationship has been awful for months because his behaviour had been so erratic.
He literally made his mind up that I was the reason for everything bad in his life. He tried to move on adding loads of random girls on fb, telling them that I was abusive etc. He even invited himself round to one girl’s house but she said she knew he was off his face and spent the time there running me down!
In my case it’s not so black and white as just cheating! As for the 5 years he hid the coke from me there was never any issues with women, it’s only when I started throwing him out and fighting with him he started noticing other women. Our counsellor said it’s acting out.
Cocaine makes people horrible and selfish though. I guess that’s to do with the frontal lobe damage, the part of the brain that affects the decision to make good choices. Ultimately it was down to him choosing the coke over me and his kids. I think I’m my husbands case he knew what he was doing was wrong but couldn’t or didn’t want to stop so decided to distract himself as his self esteem was low.
Off drugs I do trust him, however I just don’t know what goes through his mind on these drug binges when he thinks the worlds against him! He said he’s never felt like actually sleeping with anyone else. He said it makes you horny but not enough to cheat!