okay so firstly he has admitted that he has a problem which is the first step but he needs to get help, unless he does something about it nothing will change. he also has to want something to change which maybe at this point he doesn’t.
I know you think moving in with him is the answer and then you can help him etc but believe me it’s unlikely to work like that. You cannot stop him unless he wants to stop and honestly if I’d known what I know now I would never have moved in with my partner because it’s extremely difficult. I really would stay where you are for now, you have to look after yourself too and living with him will be very tough. Moving away will not change anything, yes he might be away from the people he drinks with but he will find a way to drink anyway believe me, unless he wants to stop he’s not going to.
At the moment it seems he is making excuses not to stop but you are also making excuses for him and that means you are enabling him whether you mean to or not. Enabling can be emotional as well as physical and I may sound harsh here, I don’t mean to but I wish someone had told me this when I first got into this. I enabled my partner by making constant excuses for him and just letting him get away with awful things and now I’ve made my bed, I love him and I want to help him but quite frankly I had enough and I told him either he started going to meetings etc and helping himself or I was done and at this point I mean it because it’s so so hard.
Him speaking to you like that is unacceptable, whether he was drunk or not is NOT an excuse and don’t let it be one. Yes you need to speak to him about it and tell him you will not put up with him being hurtful like that to you, ask him if he meant what he said, chances are he didn’t and he was just reacting to other things but it’s not okay to put you through that and he needs to be told.
It’s not too much information and that’s what we’re here for to support, I understand, I do have friends but I still can’t talk to them because I don’t think they’ll understand.
Honestly at the moment yes I think you are enabling him but, and I cannot stress this enough, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. He is the one drinking and he is responsible for his own actions. I have been there, wondering if it’s me putting too much stress on him etc etc but the fact remains they are responsible for what they are doing, you are not. Don’t let him or anyone make you feel like you are to blame.
You need to sit him down (when he is sober) and speak frankly to him, tell him enough is enough and you cannot live like this. I know it’s hard and you’re scared to lose him but being in a relationship like you are isn’t making you happy so it seems you don’t have a lot to lose by being honest with him. Good luck and do come back and talk whenever you need to. There is also another site called Families Anonymous which is good that you may wish to check out, they have meetings across the Country also so you can meet other families of addicts which may or may not be helpful for you x