Hi there. Your story could have been identical to mine. My husband is now in recovery from all drugs, 5 months clean. His personality is back to pre drug days, although for this to happen it had to take lots of fights, stopping, starting etc. He had to get to a point where his life was getting worse by continuing his drug use.
Everything you said was my life and worse. My husband told me he didn’t love me or the kids as he had no feelings for anyone. I thought he was having a midlife crisis, turns out it was a hidden 5 year coke addiction. I’d been with my hubby 16 years, we were so in love, and happy until Coke came into our relationship. He started calling me horrible names? Saying I was a slag years ago, now I know this was all projection as he felt bad about what he was doing so needed to find stuff on me, there was nothing so he had to make stuff up, plus the drug made him a paranoid freak!
Our fights were explosive, I’d accuse him, he’d deny it, this would anger me more til I would throw him out. He’d then come back and then the cycle would continue. Eventually I turned violent towards him as he used in our home with our kids and I caught him. He’d done it for years behind my back whilst we were in bed but I never knew. He then started trying to move on by adding loads of women on fb telling them all I was abusive and he hadn’t loved me for years, luckily they could all see what a mess he was and rejected his advances. This was all so out of character as my husband idolises me and had doted on me and the kids since I met him.
Basically what I’m trying to say is that what your husband has done is typical behaviour of most coke or just addicts in general. The drug changes them, the need to prioritise the drug changes everything. They become monsters, it’s all so sad! The more they take and the longer they take it for the worse their behaviour will be.
I know everyone says it, but leave him to it, because until you do nothing will change. I had to back up on my promise to leave and not speak to my husband at all for him to decide to change. He said he thought I was bluffing like I always had. The last time though I’d had enough.
Tell him he can’t have both, if he wants to see his kids you want a 3 month clean hair strand test. Tell him to take you to court. He might get worse before better. You’ll know when he’s fully stopped though.
Good luck xx