Pops, the man I once knew has now gone. He can’t see it and his family can’t see it. He tells everyone he’s fallen out of love with me, maybe he has but I know that’s due to him doing cocaine as he was cheating on me also and living with a lot of guilt. He tells me different, he’s sat drying to em about his guilt and how he does feel he’s fell out of love with me but still loves me. Now I know theres a diff and he’s said we done nothing together and he got bored so he buried his head in the sand and took coke. He’s also told me he just followed the sheep and became addicted. Our relationship was fine until he took coke, we had our ups and downs like anyone else but we worked through stuff. But I’m like you, I wonder if I ever knew him and my life was all just full of lies as he always liked to drink in the pubs. I’ve been blamed for lots of things and yes it’s hurtful but the way he’s acted with me is not normal, if he’s fell out of love with me then just walk away and be decent knowing he’s hurt me and done wrong by cheating and doing coke, but no he’s still so evil and nasty to me and that’s because he’s still using or has been really damaged by his long term use as he said he’s not used in two months.
I know I done nothing wrong to him in life, if anything I was wrong to allow him so much freedom as he got his luxuries while I was at home with the kids, little did I know he was using coke and cheating, I just thought he was out with his mates drinking which I didn’t mind because he worked hard. But those long hours at work may have been a woman?
I am broken hearted, some days are harder than others as we were together 17 years when he disclosed to me about his drug use. I’m not a silly person and I know I need to put my kids needs first before my feelings for him, at first I didn’t do that because I tried to help him but he continued to use and cheat. I’m still getting a bad time from him as going through courts about kids and house, can’t wait until everything is over so I can finally move on and start meeting other people again, not that I need a relationship because my kids come first, I just mean to be me again and not tied to the kitchen sink and house work all the time.
You don’t want that around your child, he has to stop for himself because he wants too, your child won’t make him stop. You won’t make him stop. He has to want it and even if he does, it’s hard. I hope he does and if he does then I do suggest couples therapy also afterwards. A baby coming along is a big stressor as it is, don’t allow anymore than you need to, you need to protect yourself and your baby xx