Oh no I was addicted to tramadols about 8 years ago . Forget them you don’t want to be a zombie all your life ..
Your wasting your time on them. I had an operation and I was given them as pain relief they are very addictive . I know what you mean by the buzz you got from taking them I can relate but as for the speed I don’t know much about that drug and what it does to you but whatever it is surely it’s not safe .
You need to find alternative ways of feeling confident and happy .. I suggest going to the gym 3x a week , going swimming , getting out often .. even a nice walk with your Mrs?