Hey Twinkle,
Something you need to know is that you are never going to help your partner but you can save yourself! You love him and I can relate to that because I share a similar life. You sound desperate, beat down and at your final step with this life but remember that you will never be alone because millions of us are in this grip and we can help. If you can, ask for help! Any help! Help for him as much as you. You love him that much it’s hurting you both. Please don’t give up ????