Thank you both, I am on anti depressants and have had a course of therapy following my Mums death when I was diagnosed with PTSD, I have some very good close friends who thus far have kept me alive to be honest, but you cannot burden them with your problems all the time, and when you lose hope like I have now what can anyone say? I know I can not help by husband, it’s not even about helping him anymore, I am not trying too, by financially doing it, it allows me to continue to live in my wonderful rented home, surrounded by lively neighbours who also think the world of him, if the landlord was to get a hint of anything e.g drugs arrested for doing what ever he would need to do to get gear he would evict us, this home us my safe place, I live it, I have several plants in my garden from Mums, just could not bear to lose it
Drinking does make me more depressed but I do not know what else to do anymore, if you have no hope, no future, no money what is the point? I work hard as deputy manager as a shop and juggle it around him,
Its not always so bad and sometimes I think that makes it worse, I see the man I love so often, his Dad died earlier this year and of course that has not helped
I cant see another way out anymore, to go to sleep, not wake up and be with Mum and Dad, he says ( and I believe him ) he would kill himself if I was to die,