I do try very hard to focus on my work and enjoy what I do, and try to make a difference to our little independent shop, and I think I am good at, but when the mood takes him he will ring up and ask for money, it takes over my mind which is already messed up with grief, poverty and then trying to find another friend to borrow from etc whilst I go without..
I try to focus on me, but it’s just impossible, I could go away for couple of days next week but a I gave no money for train fair, and b unless he left with a bucket of money the way he us it would be impossible, there is no real escape if I didn’t love him and care for him so much the options would perhaps be easier, but for now I can only see one.. drink for sure is not the answer, it is just the same as drugs, although people see it as acceptable, he has just got up, still messed up, took the 20 I was saving in 20p to have my haircut and gone out, was absolutely hateful before he went, he s are me when he is like that, and he knows it