Hi, yes we have talked about it and it’s clearly the drink that is the problem. As he uses the pot to deal with horrendous things in his past (time alone will sort this out – if at all) then I have suggested that he doesn’t stop that entirely but that he tries to cut it down a bit – maybe save it for the evening when he most likes a drink. He doesn’t touch alcohol at all in the day – ever.
I have also suggested that he has one day a week where he can look forward to a drink. This would work for me but I can fully appreciate that he may have to stop it completely. I’ve also suggested that we limit the amount of alcohol available to him. Perhaps I take three cans into the house and half a bottle of white wine which is mine. He was really honest and said that three wouldn’t be enough, he’d do everything in his power to take my wine, and would then go off to the pub and probably drink more that if he had loads at home! I have tried stopping him but that does not work. He shows me up if we are in public (saying things like ‘ha, she thinks she can stop me, trying to say I’ve had enough’ at the top of his voice) or just gets ratty with me if we are alone. He’s never violent but he does get angry if I try to stop him. I have my own home so I tend to just walk out but this isn’t what I’m used to and the drink cannot be good for him. The other big issue is that, because he’s drunk, he doesn’t remember much about the previous night so I’m not certain he believes my version of events. Our diet is excellent and I think that may be the only thing that has prevented his organs from protesting.