I’m seeing a marriage counsellor but he focuses on us individually as well as a couple. I just googled marriage counselling and luckily found one that was non profit so £30 an hour, but I do manage to get loads in that hour.
I went primarily because I thought my husband could now be a potential cheat. He was the most loyal and trustworthy man ever but due to the explosive fights we’d have over his drug use, he’d think he didn’t want to be with me. He told me he didn’t think he loved me or the kids anymore at times, then the next begged me to stay as he did love me it was the coke that made him think he didn’t. Since coming on here I’ve noticed that seems to be a common trait! He would be paranoid that I was going to cheat and be jealous over ex boyfriends I’d had when I was a teenager. During one argument I told him I didn’t think he was attractive anymore and threw a cup at him.
He left me and went on to add loads of random women on fb, telling them we’d been split months and how he hated me etc. Although nothing happened between him or any of them, I think in his head he was planning on maybe leaving me, thinking his addiction could only be maintained if we weren’t together. Cocaine then came before me or our children. Trouble is he said when the drugs wore off his love for me came back and he’d feel ashamed, so to block out what he’d done, he’d take more coke!
I think his self esteem was at an all time low too and he was acting out as a confidence boost to see if he could get attention. By flirting with others every time he thought his marriage was in trouble. It was all so out of character. That was the ultimate betrayal though and the one that hurt the most.
The marriage counsellor has seemed to pin it all on his childhood, his mother left him when he was small and he never seen her again until he was an adult, he had different step mums in and out of his life and was left alone for long periods of time as his dad was always working.
He does seem committed to changing for good this time, I’m just hoping it lasts, I can’t go though it again! I have 5 children to think about! X