Hi Jacjacjac.
Good to hear from you.
I get the fight or flight mode thing, its like auto pilot, you become obsessed don’t you. But the reality is that we are powerless, nothing we can say will make any difference when coke has its hold. My husband has his own money and I dont control it, and tbh its not that we dont have money to live, which somehow is worse, because it enables him to do it. I actually think even if I could control his money (which i can’t as he has his own business) he would still find a way to get it, when its got a hold.
Do you know for sure he’s not doing it any other time? There were times when I wouldn’t have known, but I got some tests from amazon and tested him, every time I thought it, I was right, he was using every day at that point.
If your husband can stop for 3 months and just binge, is that an addict, or does he have limited self control? I dread invites to social events because I know that a drink will lead to that. At present hes not drinking either as he knows there is a correlation, at least to him. Like you I don’t go out anymore. I am meant to travel occasionally with work, but I put that off unless I absolutely can’t avoid it. In December I drove 250 miles, attended an event I had organised, and drove back 250 miles, got home at 3am, just so I didnt have to worry about him driving our daughter to school the next morning……
When your husband is off this latest binge/come down, talk to him, tell him how you feel. The problem is that they carry on doing this because the thrill at the time outweighs the consequences. He knows you’ll still be there, he’ll be able to talk you around, he’ll say sorry and you have to forget it. You have to think of it like dealing with a child, dont make threats you wont carry through.
I have considered breaking free, but havent because I know hes a good person without coke, I wouldnt want to be the reason he self destructs, I wouldnt want to have to explain to our daughter or family members why I dont want him to have her on his own… its all about them isn’t it – we dont think about ourselves.
How long was he gone for this time? and is he back? Just worrying about how you are dealing with it xx