Hi Team.
Firstly Hox is right. You need to decide firstly if you can carry on living like this. I couldn’t and by reading your post, I can see that you certainly don’t seem to be happy. Are you prepared to carry on with the way things are now?
I told everyone, I did it out of spite, I outed my husband and told everyone or anyone who would listen about all of his behaviours. This was probably not the way to go, I didn’t do it for the right reason, I did it because everything was crazy and I couldn’t control the situation, I wanted him to stop! To wake up and see sense and go back to being the loving, family man he was before. Now I know that was my issue, not his! I had become so codependent I didn’t even realise what I had become. In my head my husband was to blame for everything. I like you bought the tests, we’d argue, he’d lie etc etc.
This is not normal behaviour. I used to obsess weather my husband had cheated whilst high, it used to control my every thought. My husband was selfish and sort attention off women, but he never said anything sexual to anyone, it was almost like he was seeking comfort elsewhere, in a way that kind of made it worse. Now I know that’s just because the drugs made him see me as a nag, he wasn’t ready to tackle his addiction and he’d rather have left me whist he was in deep addiction, than to fight to do what was right. In his head, he didn’t think any of what he did was wrong!
The drug completely changes people, whilst your husband is an addict I wouldn’t trust him not to lie, cheat, steal etc. because when it comes down to it, their addiction comes first. They have almost been hijacked, so stop taking it so personally, I know it’s awfully hard not to.
I can only advise from my perspective now, I choose to not be in a relationship with an addict. If my husband relapsed, I would make him leave. No one is worth making you ill for. Maybe that would be the kick he needs to change, but don’t do it for that reason. Do it for yourself.
I bet you’ve neglected yourself whilst you’ve become so entangled with your husband that you’ve lost your identity, I know I did! People told me to concentrate on me, I didn’t even know what they meant. Without my husband and his problems I felt completely lost. But I sought help, I hated the way I felt and how bad my life had become. I decided not to live like it anymore. Go to al anon and Stick with it, it seems odd at first and complete nonsense but it does work.
Have faith that everything will be ok in the end, no matter what happens. But remember, if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.
Hugs xx