I thought I was failing my husband and family if I didn’t try to help or pay his debt and maintain his business. But they have failed us by choosing to sniff. Or also rub his gums as my husband did also.
It hurts more than anything I have ever known. Our wonderful life was destroyed. We were a team. Now I have to do everything myself and it is hard not having his help.
I too wondered if my husband would overdose and die. I worried about it, too much alcohol and cocaine. But he wasn’t worried and didn’t care about me worrying either.
He was having the time of his life. ‘Champagne Charlie’ that’s what he’s called by folk. Partying and being the big man.
I feel lost and lonely too, thats why I come on here. People in the same position can help and understand what we are going through. Going out and trying to socialise is something I can’t bring myself to do. Doc has upped my dosage of anti depressants and I now don’t feel anxious and sick all the time. My mind is more settled because I feel numb inside now. That is a good thing for me because fourteen months of this hell has taken its toll on me.
Don’t take anything to heart, I know its hard. I just think that my husband is dead and the one that has replaced him is a monster. One who has a fork tongue and lies like a rug.
Concentrate on yourself for a while because if he decides that cocaine is not what he wants you need to be the strong one. Focus on you, look how B8988 has turned it around. It doesn’t work for everyone but its worth a try. You are doing this for both of you. Not just yourself. Keep strong.