Hi Adam thanks for your insight.
The only thing I don’t think I would be able to do is not confront him if I believed he was using again! As I know it’s wrong! I totally get where you’re coming from, my husband has admitted the same, he said when you’re in that cycle, you see us (the wives) as nags, that’s why you turn your phone off etc, because he said he knows it will be some kind of lecture or wanting him to do the right thing.
I don’t really want him to have any lapses this time if I’m honest, but I do have to be real! Al anon teaches us not to spend quiet, peaceful days worrying about relapses as they steal today’s joy! But just to have faith that “if or when” they happen, we can deal with them, as we have before, or hopefully in a more calm way.
The thing that worries me is that when my husband has relapsed in the past he’s hit it again hard, it’s like all the months of sobriety have been forgotten and he’s gone immediately back into an addicts mindset. He goes back to using daily, even if he can’t afford to. It’s then he becomes reckless. It’s so scary to see. It’s not him at all!
He’s never been at the stage where he’s taken it to feel normal, he said his brains always kidded him into thinking that the first 2 lines will be amazing! so he still chases that. He said the more you use and the longer you use for, you don’t really get that much pleasure. Although his brain still fools him into thinking it will be different next time.
The last time was different, he was just in complete self destruct mode, it’s like his brain thought he’d lost everything anyway, so he may as well continue. I mean to start sleeping rough in our garage, in minus degree weather, rather than living inside and not using drugs, for me signified that the drug had become more important to him than anything else.