Centralscot,
We could all be writing the same posts. There are so many similarities.
One of my friends recently said to me ‘you have become desensitised to reality’ and she is right. I talked openly matter of fact about the fact of how my husband acts and was treating me, like its normal, even though deep deep down I must know its not.
B8988 mentioned to me about codependency and how we change and become codependent on them. Thats where I am, and sounds like thats where you are.
Around Christmas I said to myself, just live your life, let him let on with messing his up, theres nothing you can do about it….. thats easier said than done, because the sick feelings, the wrenching in your gut when they dont come home, the lies….. you can’t just shrug them off. Even now my husband is clean and has been for 5 months I’m no different. I recently booked to take the kids away for a couple of days to a theme park, and them whole time I was there I was a nervous wreck, worrying about him, worrying he’d fallen off the wagon, worrying when his phone was flat because I thought he might have died…. what a joke, it was meant to be a nice short break and some fun for the kids. But i’m too screwed up, or thats how it feels.
You aren’t alone in your feelings xx